The Soft Spot Behind Anger and Fear

Summer Intensive 2013The Summer Intensive Spontaneous Solutions Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP certification just ended. It was a wonderful experience with a great group!. It was my 26th annual teaching of this course!

A distance learning student of mine coincidentally sent me this kind comment and sweet story at the start of class:  

Hi Jack,   I thought of you right away when I read this. It echos your message to us students throughout the course. Enjoy the story!   Best Wishes,Carolyn”  

THAT BIRD’S GOT MY WINGS excerpted from Practicing Peace in Times of War, by Pema Chodron :

One of my favorite stories about Jarvis Masters [a prison inmate currently sentenced to death row, who took vows as a Buddhist from behind bars] was when he unintentionally helped some other inmates connect with the absolute, vast quality of their own minds. There is a teaching that says that behind all hardening and tightening and rigidity of the heart, there’s always fear. But if you touch fear, behind fear there is a soft spot. And if you touch that soft spot, you find the vast blue sky. You find that which is ineffable, ungraspable, and unbiased, that which can support and awaken us at any time. And somehow Jarvis, in this story of trying to avert harm, conveyed this fundamental openness to the other inmates.   One day there was a seagull out on the yard in San Quentin. It had been raining and the seagull was there paddling around in a puddle. One of the inmates picked up something in the yard and was about to throw it at the bird. Jarvis didn’t even think about it—he automatically put out his hand to stop the man. Of course this escalated the man’s aggression and he started yelling. Who the hell did Jarvis think he was? And why did Jarvis care so much about some blankety-blank bird?   Everyone started circling around, just waiting for the fight. The other inmate was screaming at Jarvis, “Why’d you do that?” And out of Jarvis’s mouth came the words, “I did that because that bird’s got my wings.”   Everyone got it. It simply stopped their minds, softened their hearts, and then there was silence.”   

Thanks, Carolyn. May all beings find Peace!

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ftm-front-cover-finalJack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!

Jack offers:

  • Private Sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching, live and via Skype or phone internationally.
  • Keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.

Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

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ADD & ADHD – Limiting Beliefs Cause Needless Suffering

Confidence_jump1I want to share a post that a good friend and expert hypnotherapist, Dan Cleary, once sent to an email group. This excerpt is specifically addressing someone’s question about treating ADHD. It illustrates how a belief in a poor concept or poor interpretation of circumstances, or of yourself, can cause you to think you are disabled. Dan explains that the ADHD diagnosis may be an unhelpful interpretation of the person’s behavior that blocks the appreciation of helpful possibilities. He then shares a procedure that can help such a person connect with abilities they may be under-utilizing because they have never been taught to appreciate them.
The process Dan shares has applications beyond ADHD to skillfully help yourself or another expand capabilities that may be limited just because you are being “hypnotized” by a poor interpretation. I added numbers to the steps in Dan’s explanation and, in some places, modified his language to highlight the process.
Dan: “What if you were to consider that ADD & ADHD were mistaken evaluations of skills and abilities?
According to the studies I have read (they tend to find faults, where I find strengths ) people diagnosed with these “conditions” are mostly above average intelligence, and very skilled in certain areas (often physical skills, such as sports, but some are good at conceptual ways of thinking as well).”
Imagine that you were to ask the client what their favorite activities are and then get them to notice how they are relating to their body and their mind when engaged in the activity and how they feel when doing that activity.

1) In the case that the activity is a physical one, ask them to stand up.
2) Then anchor the strong good feelings and self-appreciation that they experience at that time (use their words and ask them questions to elicit as many expressions of their skills in that area as possible.) Anchor this state with a physical anchor such as pressing their thumb and forefinger together — their choice of hand.
3) Then have them shake like a dog getting out of the water and
4) Ask them to go to that place where IN THE PAST they have felt or BEEN TOLD that they have WHAT HAS BEEN CALLED ADHD.
5) While in that memory, create anchors associated with this “negative” state, (usually criticism from others, lack of confidence or understanding). The anchor can be just pressing the fingers of the other hand together.
6) Then, with their hands held out like cups in fromt of them, put all the feelings of one state in one hand and all those of the other state in the other hand.They get to pick which hand holds the positive feelings and which the negative.
7) Merge the anchors by having them clasp their hands together tightly and speak about the strengths they have in one hand, and what is in that other hand? And the tighter they clasp their hands, the more the hands become as one as the strengths flow everywhere.
8) Ask how quickly they can feel the strengths flowing from the areas where they are most effective to the areas that can use those strengths in new ways. Feel the flow until you can search and find that same strength wherever you look or feel. Somehow you simply know that every cell has access to the strength whenever you need it.

That’s it! Thanks, Dan! The secret is to find an ability you have, but don’t think to use in the blocked circumstances. Now that you recognize you can use it, connect it to those circumstances by the piece of theater called merging anchors — here done with clasping of hands in the above steps. Learn more about this powerful change technique and many others in my book Finding True Magic. Take one of my trainings and master them!

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ftm-front-cover-finalJack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!

Jack offers:

  • Private Sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching, live and via Skype or phone internationally.
  • Keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.

Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

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Beyond Confidence Building with Unrelenting Kindness and Encouragement

It is important to recognize our hidden beliefs about our basic nature. What’s the bottom P1010657line — do we think we are complete or incomplete? Are we full of inherent value and goodness? Or possibly without much value, flawed, and somehow needing to be improved?

If we think we have to create improvement or value in ourselves, then we are operating from negative assumptions about our nature. Many people come to therapy thinking they have to improve something about themselves without realizing this means they believe they are flawed in some way that hopefully can be fixed.They typically don’t make a distinction between their behaviors and their being. They commonly believe their behaviors determine the value of their being.

Such beliefs have profound consequences. They determine the quality of our inner dialogue which in turn determines the brightness or darkness of our inner state.

Believing that our essential value is variable, fragile, and conditional is like believing the sun is destroyed on a cloudy day and has to be recreated. This would indeed be an awesome and stressful dilemma. Do you know we once were terrified that eclipses were the destruction of the sun? For a long time we solved this dilemma of misinterpretation with magical thinking and ritual including human sacrifice.

Magical thinking persists in our analysis of our personal obstacles. And we often sacrifice ourselves to our negative magical beliefs without even realizing how absurd self-harm is. Here is a common example I encountered recently on a forum.  A hypnotherapist asked for help:

“I am seeing someone who said she has very low confidence. Does anyone have a good script for this? I really feel she needs some major confidence boosting.”

I challenge the notion of “confidence boosting” when clients bring it up. I don’t think it is useful to think of confidence as a substance that can be low, like oil in our car, and that we have to boost its volume. If we do, I think we are on a constant stressful maintenance schedule.This was my reply:

“We have natural confidence built in. It is life’s confidence in itself – the confidence to breathe us and to beat our hearts. It is always present and unwavering. If we accept that, then “lack of confidence” is seen for what it is: believing negative judgments about oneself and about life, not the deficit of some real substance. Help the client stop believing negative judgments, and their natural sense of well-being and “confidence” will emerge. If you try to “build confidence” based on some type of performance, you are still encouraging the client to believe in judgment, even though it may be positive. I think it is better to connect with the aliveness that embodies confidence and doesn’t rely on good or bad judgment about our ability to do things.”

I meet the same concern almost every day with clients. They believe they can’t do something because they don’t have enough confidence as if it was a magical psychic substance that could be produced or boosted. I think we “can’t” do things because we choose not to because we are listening to judging thoughts (and seeing bad pictures) in our mind.

Dissipate the judging thoughts (clouds) and the ever-present fully complete confidence (the sun) is right there shining on everything. Yes, ending the influence of the judgments takes effort. If we think we are trying to create a sun of confidence by our efforts, it is a fearful effort because we could fail! But when we understand that the ‘Sun’ of confidence is already perfectly there, dissipating negative self-talk is a vibrant effort free of fear and joined with the knowledge that success is assured. We learn to draw on the energy of the ‘Sun’ to do it!

Spend some time believing that your “missing quality” is fully present and that your task is merely to experience its rays burning off the cloud cover as you contemplate the unsubstantial nature of the clouds. While your actions can be evaluated, negative judgments of your being have no merit. . .ever! Examine them, and ask for the evidence that justifies them. There isn’t any!

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ftm-front-cover-finalJack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!

Jack offers:

  • Private Sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching, live and via Skype or phone internationally.
  • Keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.

Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

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How To Avoid Accomplishing the Wrong Goals

Have you ever worked really hard to accomplish a goal and when you did accomplish it you felt a big let down? This kind of disillusionment is very common. Ambitious and dynamic people can have a string of successes, each on as empty as the one before. When this happens it can lead to deep despair and even suicide (not good!) or to  an intense search for meaning (which is a good thing!).

One way to understand this problem is to examine this challenge is to look at Intentions vs. Expectations.

Living by intention is the flip side of living up to expectations. Living by intention strengthens and enlivens, while living up to expectations perpetuates cycles of hope, fear, stress and bewilderment.

This emotional turmoil and lack of mental clarity causes us to constantly choose the wrong goals as the solutions to our problems.

A client recently complained of stress and feeling that there was nothing he cared about. I asked him what he would do if he was financially free. He immediately said, “Play golf all over the world.” When I asked him why he wasn’t pursuing this dream he said, “Too many expectations.” I asked, “Whose expectations of what?” He said, ” My own.” But it became clear that what he thought of as “his own” expectations was really fear of what others would think of him.

When he realized that what he thought of as his internal standards were really fears of being judged by others, he began to release them. He was then able to begin planning a life that included golf trips instead of yearning for a ‘forbidden fruit’ unattainable because of required expectations.Expectations  that block us in this way always come from outside us, from others, even though we think of them as our own. They do not come from our true center. They are false to us and they reinforce the dreaded sense that we are not good enough as we are. Trying to accomplish a goal to fix yourself or make yourself worthy is a hellish activity that creates stress, struggle, fear, and disappointment.

If this is a trap you also need to get out of set an intention (a daily intention, preferably when you first awaken) to notice something you feel grateful for. Appreciate your health, your good qualities, or remember specific things you do that benefit yourself and others. This is a healing practice. Do it often, just for a moment, throughout your day.

If you take a few minutes first thing in the morning when you wake up to set this intention and to visualize and sense yourself practicing it through the day, you’ll quickly find that living by intention nourishes your soul.

I often have helped clients in the midst of an experience of anxiety or despair identify and focus on something for which they feel grateful. To their astonishment, the seemingly intractable negative emotions dramatically and effortlessly disappear, replaced by an ease and lightness.

Imagine yourself free of the hope for success and the fear of failure to find your true interests and intentions. A true intention is an inspiration that comes from your True Self — a natural impulse to share life with all that lives. True intentions heighten your enthusiasm for the sheer joy of living, and free you from the fear of not measuring up to some standard of success and failure(aka, what others think).

In the atmosphere of joy your true interests and goals become apparent to you. Accomplishing your true goals is the way you celebrate life with everyone.

You can think of the practice of nurturing intention as a simple mental shift, like the shift from worry to prayer. When you catch yourself living under the burden of an expectation, shift to a life-affirming intention that comes from your heart. Instead of saying to yourself, “I have to . . .” say, “I want to . . .” in order to affirm your genuine desire — your true intention. Doing this, you will quite naturally begin to recognize the difference between your genuine desires to live fully and your false desires to fulfill expectations. In this way, expectations will stop blocking you, and you will find ways to incorporate into your life interests that enthuse you.

May each day of your life flow from the True Intention of your Spirit!

This CD/Mp3 can help. Please take a look: Clarifying Confusion

 

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ftm-front-cover-finalJack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!

Jack offers:

  • Private Sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching, live and via Skype or phone internationally.
  • Keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.

 

Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

 

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Ego – The Fearful Sense of Separation

I have had many people come in talking about ego lately. It got me thinking. All problems arise from the sense of limited fearful separation — what we call ‘ego.’ I started contemplating this daily on my morning walks. I examined my fearful concerns and saw that my problems and suffering were due to considering myself limited and separate from needed support. I became aware of a more subtle process of insisting that this condition is true, and of a stiffening in response to this belief that occurred. This I realized was  ego attachment.

It’s an insult to “ego” to think that problems, defined as unnecessary emotional suffering, are optional! We are not required to have them, and in fact, we never have a justifiable reason to suffer fearful emotional distress! Of course we will experience sadness and grief at the loss of a loved one, but without a sense of ego, of limited separate unsupported self, we do not suffer distress — in the sense of being diminished or weakened or deprived by the experience of loss. Without the ego, we don’t create a mournful story which we constantly replay to depress ourselves.

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Once on one of these walks I realized that I was being pulled into a fearful state because a particular outcome I wanted had not yet appeared, nor the funds to realize it. Then I realized that not getting what I wanted did not require me to shrink in any fearful way. I saw how insistently desiring this outcome was creating a temptation to feel fearful and small. As this attachment arose again and again, I repeatedly released it, relaxing as best I could. Patiently doing this repetition, I was able to enjoy a growing sense of lightness and openness in my chest, and clarity in my mind.

Then I went further, examining the desire to grasp ‘Jack’, to be ‘Jack’, to identify as this body/mind. I repeatedly practiced releasing my hold on being ‘Jack’, on wanting to survive as this body. Releasing at the root of ego in this way made it very clear that stress, and having problems are entirely optional. Don’t get me wrong — it is fine to want to survive and thrive — but getting into fearful tense states is not helpful or required to survive and thrive!

Does it seem outrageous to think in this way — to question the idea that you are your body/mind/personality? Since we all will have to release this attachment at the moment of death, why wait until we are forced to let go? If we wait it may seem very scary at the moment of death. Don’t you think it would be better to practice now, so that letting go of the body at the moment of death could actually be effortless and without distress?  Not only that,  practicing releasing this attachment now makes it possible to live a life free of suffering and full of joy!

This is one way to define an enlightened being: someone who is completely free from body/mind/personality identification. Some people hear this and think it means you become a zombie. Actually, body/mind/personality functions just fine, and even much better, once the grasping identification is released. Releasing attachment doesn’t destroy anything of importance, rather it is like taking all the kinks out of a garden hose so the water can flow freely and powerfully.

Try repeatedly asking yourself, “Can I let go of being (your name), can I let go of thinking I am this body?” It doesn’t matter whether the answer is “yes” or “no.”  Either one is OK. Just notice your inner feeling each time you ask. No need to be compulsive about repeated asking – it is better if it is relaxed and occasional but with genuine interest. Good luck!

Questions and sharings are welcome. Email: jack@FindingTrueMagic.com.

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ftm-front-cover-finalJack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!

Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.

Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

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Conflict Transformation Class at NalandaWest

Conflict Transformation

with Jack Elias, CHT

Got difficult people? Got a difficult self?

 •Does disagreement quickly turn into conflict and inner turmoil?

•Do you shut down vs. speaking your mind?

•Do you explode with shouting and acting out?

•Do you walk away burning with resentment?

•Do you take things personally?

•Do you believe others “make” you feel bad?

•Do you believe in blame, guilt, and resentment?

•Do you believe in “should’s” and “have to’s”?

Buddhist teachings, along with insights from the art of hypnosis, can help you transform tension and confusion. Quickly shift from fear and blame into Compassionate Collaboration.

Four Classes. $20 donation/class or $60 all 4 classes.  This class was a big hit at the 2013 Nalandabodhi Sangha Retreat! 

Tuesdays: 7- 8:30 pm 

January 8, 22;  February 5, 19

NalandaWest Community Room   

                                     3902 Woodland Park Ave N.  Seattle   98103

 

Jack Elias, CHT, author of Finding True Magic, has been a practicing Buddhist for 45 years. He has been training and certifying clinical hypnotherapists for 25 years and has a private practice in Seattle.

A clip of Jack teaching a previous class, Buddha & the Hypnotist:

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Conflict Transformation at NalandaWest : $20.00 per class; $60.00 advance payment for 4 classes. Save $20.00!

Register and donate here:





 

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Giving Thanks for the Vastness of Blessings

My wife and I saw the movie, Lincoln, directed by Steven Spielberg, last night. Yesterday, November 19, was the anniversary of the Gettysburg Address (1863). Watching this excellent portrayal, I was struck by the enormous sacrifice millions of people made for the sake of freedom and human dignity, all mixed in with various flavors of self interest.

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I know a fair amount about the Civil War but I haven’t felt profound appreciation for the people of that time. I haven’t ever taken the time to deeply contemplate the pressures on Lincoln, nor the depth of forbearance, courage, wisdom, and compassion he must have had to endure and accomplish his goals. This movie, even though it is “just” a movie, made it easy to appreciate the intensity of the struggle for the whole nation and amongst the lawmakers on every side of the issue of slavery, states rights, and democracy. As a friend of mine clarified, “If it does all that, it is not “just” a movie, but a work of art.”

I marveled that anything at all was left of the nation after seeing the horrible strife and destruction this movie portrayed. It is truly a miracle that the desire for democracy and the rule of law as set in the Constitution survived, and that people who were so bitter in defeat were able to turn towards reconstruction as coarse and crude as it would be.

The movie made me appreciate the vastness of benefit that has come down to me, not just from Civil War times, but through the ages in countless ways and as a result of tremendous sacrifice.

I hope you find time to be still and open your own heart to the vastness of blessings that come to you every moment, every day in the guise of both “good” and “bad circumstance. May we continue to deepen our capacity to be compassionate, wise, and courageous. May we always give thanks because we are always acutely aware of our blessings.

Good luck!

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ftm-front-cover-finalJack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!

Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.

Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

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What to do When You Loose the Juice?

cats joyI’ve just been watching the antics of the award winning French cat, “Henri the Cat”. There are now 3 episodes on YouTube and he also has a store!

Here is episode 2:

Henri 2, Paw de Deux:

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Once you get done laughing (or just sitting blank-faced because you are like Henri!), you may want to consider how we can stay in touch with the juice of life.

Like Henri, we can become numb in the lap of luxury, and I don’t mean just the luxury of rich people. I mean the ordinary luxury of clean running water, indoor plumbing and mountains of food within about 15 minutes from our home in every direction. And of course the luxury of a car or bike to get there. If you are in a developed country you have so much to be thankful for.

I am in America, at the top of the heap of developed countries if you don’t count health care, quality of schools, or social safety nets. And yet I can easily wake up and start focusing on concerns of the day, or drag myself around in  a hangover from the dream state, missing the freshness of the new day. I find it essential to have a morning intention setting exercise to greet the moment and appreciate another day in the middle of this mysterious universe.

Henri may very well find the vastness and wonder of the universe cause for ennui. We are so insignificant! Yes, in physical size we are beyond microscopically small compared to the immensity of the universe. But why identify with the body when our mind can contemplate the immensity of the universe?!

With some perseverance, such contemplation can make the ennui melt away! If you can contemplate regularly, daily, for about 20 minutes, the immensity and the mystery; the vastness and it’s startling form and order, and, yet, the precision right down to the most microscopic particle.

Everything has been thought of, it seems!! Why dust motes floating in the warm rays of the sun streaming in the window? Why the innumerable forms of life and sexuality bursting forth everywhere? Why did life figure out how to survive around the tubes of sulfur water pouring forth from the depths of the ocean? Why bother!?

And then there is every little ant and spider (like the one Henri kills), and even they have parasites crawling around on them. Yuk! Now my contemplation has taken a creepy turn and I imagine you getting depressed again at the thought of all the ways life eats itself and that includes eating us!

And we know stars collide and explode and annihilate planets – we are designated to experience that in about 5 billion years. Destruction on universal and microscopic scale – and for sentient beings – pain, suffering, and death, as well as bliss, beauty, discovery, creation, and love!

If we don’t just act cute to get cheeseburgers, we may appreciate that we are expressions of life itself, indestructible in the midst of destruction. Henri, you are not a cat, not Henri – you are life itself living in every form including Henri the Cat.

Let go of your thoughts, Henri. Open and open again outward. Contemplate that there is no outside — everything is inside of your consciousness. Everything is you! Smile! Purrr!

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ftm-front-cover-finalJack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!

Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.

Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

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Speedy Mind Crazy Mind

Dreamscape2LRIn the blog A Life of Desire Vs. a Life of Appreciation, we considered how an ordinary challenge can present the opportunity to find True Magic if you shift your focus from achieving a desire to practicing appreciation. We had the example of someone assuming he had to know the right techniques to do away with feeling scattered and stressed. (Who wouldn’t desire that?) When he judged that he couldn’t do the techniques right or remember the proper procedures the frustration of his desire for relaxation caused him more pain.
I invited you to consider what would happen if, instead of using techniques to satisfy a desire, you focused on doing the techniques with appreciation for them and for yourself in relationship to them. I claimed that practicing appreciation could satisfy desire effortlessly, without direct concern to satisfy it.
Several readers shared with me that this was what they discovered. One business executive shared that appreciating his abundance and the efforts of those with whom he worked, instead of focusing exclusively on desired results, reduced his stress and made it possible to feel renewed and joyful at work.
Another business executive shared that practicing appreciation at home dramatically reduced his stress and made him more friendly, allowing his teenage child to approach him unbidden and give him a hug even though they had been estranged for a long time – how’s that for Magic!
In this edition let’s consider what the mind is like when it is pursuing desires. Is it not speedy? Thoughts go by so fast it’s hard to keep track of whether they make sense and yet the speed of thinking itself is so compelling, crazy ideas can command us, even when we know better. Have you ever said, “I knew better intellectually, but I couldn’t help myself.”?
I hear this all the time in my counseling sessions. I invite my clients and I invite you to give up this idea of “knowing intellectually.” This is the challenge for this month. I would like you to adopt the attitude that if you know something, that means you can act on the knowledge productively. If you can’t act for productive change, you don’t know what you need to know! If you indulge in the deluded thought called “knowing intellectually,” you distract yourself from the dilemma of not really knowing.
What do you think? Isn’t it kind of soothing, like a consolation prize, to think, “at least I know it intellectually.” If you give this prize up and insist on focusing on the dilemma of not knowing what you need to know, you keep your mind in contact with your dilemma. You keep your feet to the fire so to speak. This naturally inspires your mind to find creative solutions.
At this point, many say they lack self confidence. They don’t believe they will come up with a solution. This is the telltale sign that the Magic Formula has been forgotten! The forgotten Magic Formula is to stop and to relax into “not knowing.” “Not knowing” is darkness. It is also moist and fertile like soil. When you stop and rest in “not knowing,” you plant your mind like a seed in the soil of the challenge facing you. Then you wait like a farmer waits, calmly, with faith, for the sprouts to appear as you go about other business. What would happen if a farmer went out every day and dug up the seeds he planted to see how they were doing?
Most of us have been robbed of this knowledge that it is crucial to wait in the darkness of “not knowing.” Our schooling and parents convinced us we didn’t have permission to wait fearlessly and vigilantly in “not knowing.” They demanded that we know and the sooner the better! And this unnatural demand broke our connection to the organic way in which our creative intelligence meets challenges and solves problems.
Practice this month focusing on a problem with the question, “How can I relate here to produce the highest benefit?” Focus on the problem with this seed question in mind for one minute as you breathe and relax. Then let it go and go about your other business. If desire comes in the form of fearful, anxious thoughts and concern, stop, relax into “not knowing,” and plant the seed question again for one minute as you breathe and relax. Focus you energy on this practice instead of letting your energy go into anxiety that your desire may not be satisfied.
Be attentive to messages from your small inner voice. When it’s ready, like a seed beginning to sprout in the darkness of the soil, it will speak to you. Be willing to be surprised by what it may tell you or invite you to do. Before going to bed is a great time to plant such seeds. If you do, it is common to have significant educating dreams or to wake up with solutions. Let me know how it goes.
Good luck!



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ftm-front-cover-finalJack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!

Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.

Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

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Posted in Emotions: Becoming Skillful, exploring consciousness, Hypnosis for Health, learning, self esteem, transpersonal hypnotherapy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Cut Through Shyness & Hidden Blocks to Self-Respect

Mom and daughter sillyThe Buddha said:  “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” (A thought worthy of daily repetition.)

In my experience over 23 years practicing Lucid Heart Therapy & Life Coaching, I have found that everyone’s problems have their root in a lack of self love and the obstacle to self love is hypnotic in nature. What does that mean?!

 

I’d like to discuss a specific hypnotic quality, hallucination, that we create to cause unnecessary suffering and to block self appreciation. In a stage hypnosis event, when people accept the suggestion that they see a dog on an empty floor or see their naked body even when they are fully clothed, they are hallucinating the suggested content — a sign of a deep trance state.

In order to be convinced the person must hallucinate two things. The subject is not merely hallucinating the dog or the naked body (seeing what is not there is termed a positive hallucination), but they must be not seeing the empty floor or their clothes (not seeing what is there is termed a negative hallucination). It is important to note that the hypnotist doesn’t have to tell the subject to do the negative hallucination. The subject does it automatically. Since this crucial action is unmentioned it can go unnoticed.

The same is true for stuck emotional states. We stay stuck because we are not noticing something we are doing!

Have you ever felt stuck saying your were shy? Or afraid? Or angry? We get stuck in such negative states because we positively hallucinate that the state appears “out of nowhere” — it’s “just the way we are.” The feeling state is so powerful it magnetizes and absorbs our focus so that we do not recognize how we create it. We overlook what preceded it.

Nothing come from nowhere without cause — we overlook the cause.

The state is truly happening — we feel what we feel. But since we experience it so vividly, negatively hallucinating the cause, we believe it is a causeless state. The truth of it’s existence reinforces the belief that the state is a true commentary about us — I am a shy person, etc. We could state the belief in this way, “I feel it, it just is, therefore it is true about me.”

I asked a client recently, who kept saying he was a shy person, if he knew what he did to feel shy. He didn’t – he was “just” immediately shy in the company of others. I asked him to consider — could he feel shy if he didn’t first judge himself to be not good enough in some way? Could he feel shy without imagining (hallucinating) the other person judging him? And could he feel shy, if the other person did judge (people judge), but he didn’t accept the judgment? Could he feel shy without believing that rejection was an intolerable event?

He easily recognized that his thoughts conformed to the thoughts I guessed at. He saw that he was not “just a shy person,” — shy “immediately out of nowhere” but that to “be a shy person” he had to believe the thoughts (hurtful hypnotic suggestions) that he wasn’t good enough, that other people negative judgments of him were always true, and that rejection was intolerable.

Once he saw that the shyness wasn’t natural and wasn’t arising out of nowhere because “that was just the way he was,” he let go of his concern. As he recognized that the shyness was merely a product of negative thinking of questionable validity, he started to easily hallucinate enjoying himself around other people — even joking about being rejected!

Practice watching your mind and catching the thought process that precedes your stuck emotional state. First, affirm, “This state is not “just the way I am.” Then simply ask, “What do I have to believe to feel this way.” “Why believe that?”

Good luck!

For those interested in the interdependency between hypnosis and meditation, my Finding True Magic is now an eBook!

Also, download the Mp3 Stress Relief, Rejuvenation & Empowerment to banish your stress!



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ftm-front-cover-finalJack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!

Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.

Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

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Posted in Addictions & Compulsions, Buddhism & Psychotherapy, compassion, Depression & Anxiety, Emotions: Becoming Skillful, exploring consciousness, Hypnosis for Health, learning, Overcoming Fear, Pain Relief, self esteem, transpersonal hypnotherapy, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment