Finding True Magic, the blog

I am happy to present this insightful article by  Michele Rosenthal, founder of HealMyPTSD. Michele is a trauma/PTSD survivor who now does healing coaching for people suffering from PTSD. We are trading blog posts. Look for my entry, Insights and Strategies for Dealing with PTSD and Profound Challenges, at her HealMyPTSD blog site.

Enjoy Michele’s article:

PTSD makes communication difficult. Many survivors can’t find the words to express what they’re feeling. Even when they do, it’s very normal for them not to be comfortable sharing their experience. Elements of shame, fear, anger, guilt and grief often get in the way of a calm, focused discussion.

Friends and family (and anyone else who is not the source of the PTSD but is standing by while someone attempts to heal) need something that translates PTSD language. Armed with knowledge, insight and awareness you’ll have an easier time knowing how to react, respond and relate to your PTSD loved one during the healing process. The more you appreciate things from the PTSD perspective the more helpful and supportive you can be. Now is the time for empathy, compassion and patience.

#1 – Knowledge is power. Understanding the process of a triggering event, the psychic reaction to trauma, the warning signs and symptoms of PTSD, and available treatment options for PTSD allows you to help recognize, support and guide your PTSD loved one toward diagnosis, treatment and healing.

We need you to be clearheaded, pulled together and informed.

#2 – Trauma changes us. After trauma we want to believe —as do you—that life can return to the way it was; that we can continue as who we were. This is not how it works. Trauma leaves a huge and indelible impact on the soul. It is not possible to endure trauma and not experience a psychic shift.

Expect us to be changed. Accept our need to evolve. Support us on this journey.

#3 – PTSD hijacks our identity. One of the largest problems with PTSD is that it takes over our entire view of ourselves. We no longer see clearly. We no longer see the world as we experienced it before trauma. Now every moment is dangerous, unpredictable and threatening.

Gently remind us and offer opportunities to engage in an identity outside of trauma and PTSD.

#4 – We are no longer grounded in our true selves. In light of trauma our real selves retreat and a coping self emerges to keep us safe.

Believe in us; our true selves still exist, even if they are momentarily buried.

#5 – We cannot help how we behave. Since we are operating on a sort of autopilot we are not always in control. PTSD is an exaggerated state of survival mode. We experience emotions that frighten and overwhelm us. We act out accordingly in defense of those feelings we cannot control.

Be patient with us; we often cannot stop the anger, tears or other disruptive behaviors that are so difficult for you to endure.

#6 – We cannot be logical. Since our perspective is driven by fear we don’t always think straight, nor do we always accept the advice of those who do.

Keep reaching out, even when your words don’t seem to reach us. You never know when we will think of something you said and it will comfort, guide, soothe or inspire us.

#7 – We cannot just ‘get over it’. From the outside it’s easy to imagine a certain amount of time passes and memories fade and trauma gets relegated to the history of a life. Unfortunately, with PTSD nothing fades. Our bodies will not let us forget. Because of surging chemicals that reinforce every memory, we cannot walk away from the past anymore than you can walk away from us.

Honor our struggle to make peace with events. Do not rush us. Trying to speed our recovery will only make us cling to it more.

#8 – We’re not in denial—we’re coping! It takes a tremendous effort to live with PTSD. Even if we don’t admit it, we know there’s something wrong. When you approach us and we deny there’s a problem that’s really code for, “I’m doing the best I can.” Taking the actions you suggest would require too much energy, dividing focus from what is holding us together. Sometimes, simply getting up and continuing our daily routine is the biggest step toward recovery we make.

Alleviate our stress by giving us a safe space in which we can find support.

#9 – We do not hate you. Contrary to the ways we might behave when you intervene, somewhere inside we do know that you are not the source of the problem. Unfortunately, in the moment we may use your face as PTSD’s image. Since we cannot directly address our PTSD issues sometimes it’s easier to address you.

Continue to approach us. We need you to!

Michele Rosenthal is a trauma/PTSD survivor, Self-Empowered Healing Coach and the founder of Heal My PTSD, LLC.

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Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessionsin Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success, confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.  Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

I never seem to stop needing reminders to broaden my perspective and lighten up. I can get disturbed about something transitory and basically unimportant on a daily basis!

I easily forget I’ve never missed a meal in my life; I’ve always had hot tap water at my fingertips, a heated home, and indoor plumbing. I still remember when I was 5 (1952) and we were showing my grandfather around our newly built home. He immigrated from the Middle East in the early 1900’s and was a simple street peddler.  When we showed him, with some pride, how our home had a second bathroom (a mere 1/2 bath), he said wryly, “Oh, now you can sh** lots!”

We laughed hysterically, but that was the first time in my life that I considered living conditions outside of the American Dream. We are so profoundly enmeshed in our extraordinary material wealth that it becomes a chore to maintain a genuine gratitude for the miracles we have in our lives. It was considered a great contribution to society when Oprah suggested keeping a gratitude journal! Here — where so many of us have gadgets, high fashion gear and gourmet food available 24/7 — we have to make a project out of being grateful.

But don’t try to be grateful so you can be a “good” person or to avoid guilt. Be grateful for the “selfish” reason that lack of gratitude weakens your mind and your character, because it does.

Watch this Louis CK clip to get an insight into how we forget our good fortune:

The question is, “How happy can we be with ourselves regardless of what is happening with our stuff?”  And what can we call this phenomenon — this way in which our sense of well-being  is all tied up with what’s happening to our stuff? In my line of work, I consider it to be a hypnotic trance. We give ourselves a hypnotic suggestion  (and we do this more or less constantly) that our happiness and well-being depend on our stuff. Plus, if we’re not happy with our stuff we can even begin to think life is pointless. And we can usually find other people to agree with us!

It is not easy for us, when we are so used to relying on our stuff, to enjoy it with detachment. A sign of character strength and self confidence is the ability to maintain mental composure and enthusiasm regardless of the condition of our stuff.

This challenge of ours with our material goods has been going on for quite a long time, hasn’t it? In  George Carlin’s classic comic stand-up commentary from 1986, he talks about the absurdity of this relationship with our”Stuff”:

May we all cultivate inner strength so that we benefit ourselves and everyone with our grace and generosity.

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Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessionsin Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success, confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.  Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

Most people have a problem thinking of themselves as confident because they don’t “feel confident.” Or maybe they don’t have a track record of success in their life — so far. But actually, such issues are beside the point. The secret to really being confident is to appreciate the gift of life and to make your best efforts with enjoyment and without fear of being judged.

How can we gain real confidence? It’s easy to talk about, but most people have deeply ingrained patterns and habits that keep us from appreciating ourselves and enjoying our lives. If you’ve ever really wanted to change something about yourself — shyness, a habit of negative self-talk or being late to appointments — you know it’s not usually just a matter of deciding.

To make lasting change in deeply ingrained habits, we have to interrupt those patterns where they’re lurking: in the shadows of your subconscious mind. It’s easier than you think. In fact, the way you think is most likely what’s making it seem hard to be confident.

Hypnosis and hypnotherapy can help you quickly and easily regain hope and enthusiasm about your genuine interests and aspirations. Your mind learned how to approach problems negatively and get discouraged, and it can unlearn all that, too — quicker than you think!

Stories abound of people overcoming the odds to rediscover their essential faith in themselves. Sometimes a big loss can show us where our strength really lies.

Learn about the Finding True Magic Audio CD “Strengthening Your Will”

Here’s a video showing one of my favorite examples of someone believing in himself, and inspiring others in the process.

May all beings be happy and free! May our compassion for all beings, ourselves included, continue to increase!

Here’s a guided practice designed to naturally increase your fearlessness:
Finding True Magic audio CD: Cultivating Fearlessness & Compassion

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Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success, confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.  Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

How can you tell if you have an addiction or just a bad habit?

Addictions are often referred to as diseases. That reflects the deeply destructive, often life-threatening, effect that an addiction has on a person. Addictions are the most extreme form of self-rejection and self-hatred. If you’re involved in an addiction, you focus almost all your energy on one thing (drinking alcohol, overeating food, smoking cigarettes, gambling). The only thing strong enough to motivate anyone to make such an extreme effort is a powerful unmet need.

The tragedy of addiction, however, is that what you do to try meeting your need never actually does it. Instead, you’re left with an underlying self-hatred and self-rejection that covers up your true need. What’s the result? You become locked onto a false (or “decoy”) need. Time passes, and you just keep trying to meet that need in a way that doesn’t work. A few days ago it was reported that almost 5% of Baby Boomers in the United States are abusing drugs. And even though you may know that overweight people die about 4 years too early compared to those of normal weight, food addiction can keep you eating in unhealthy ways.

An addiction takes away your free will, and leaves you in danger of losing what’s most important to you.

So what’s the difference between this addition scenario and a simple bad habit? With a bad habit, you may be creating huge inconveniences in your life, but you still have a certain capacity for self-control. You can see the bad habit; you recognize it’s a problem, and there’s a certain openness about it. With an addiction, there’s a powerful urge to hide the compulsive behavior, to deny it to yourself and others.

Hypnotherapy can help you take back your personal power, and free you from compulsive and addictive behaviors. My transpersonal approach to hypnosis and hypnotherapy is holistic; it helps you tap into your own internal wisdom — your natural ability to be whole and free. This approach doesn’t just work with addictions, though. It can help you with bad habits too!  I’ve helped thousands of people to get free of destructive behaviors. If you want to take back control of your life, you’re invited to schedule a private session. I offer sessions in person in Seattle, but we can work just as effectively over the phone to free you from the habit or addition that’s been getting in the way of your happiness.

Finding True Magic Audio “Strengthening Your Will”

Finding True Magic Audio “Weight Loss — Health Gain”

Finding True Magic Audio “Quit Smoking — Be Free!”

Finding True Magic Audio “Stop Gambling Now”