Finding True Magic, the blog

I am happy to present this insightful article by  Michele Rosenthal, founder of HealMyPTSD. Michele is a trauma/PTSD survivor who now does healing coaching for people suffering from PTSD. We are trading blog posts. Look for my entry, Insights and Strategies for Dealing with PTSD and Profound Challenges, at her HealMyPTSD blog site.

Enjoy Michele’s article:

PTSD makes communication difficult. Many survivors can’t find the words to express what they’re feeling. Even when they do, it’s very normal for them not to be comfortable sharing their experience. Elements of shame, fear, anger, guilt and grief often get in the way of a calm, focused discussion.

Friends and family (and anyone else who is not the source of the PTSD but is standing by while someone attempts to heal) need something that translates PTSD language. Armed with knowledge, insight and awareness you’ll have an easier time knowing how to react, respond and relate to your PTSD loved one during the healing process. The more you appreciate things from the PTSD perspective the more helpful and supportive you can be. Now is the time for empathy, compassion and patience.

#1 – Knowledge is power. Understanding the process of a triggering event, the psychic reaction to trauma, the warning signs and symptoms of PTSD, and available treatment options for PTSD allows you to help recognize, support and guide your PTSD loved one toward diagnosis, treatment and healing.

We need you to be clearheaded, pulled together and informed.

#2 – Trauma changes us. After trauma we want to believe —as do you—that life can return to the way it was; that we can continue as who we were. This is not how it works. Trauma leaves a huge and indelible impact on the soul. It is not possible to endure trauma and not experience a psychic shift.

Expect us to be changed. Accept our need to evolve. Support us on this journey.

#3 – PTSD hijacks our identity. One of the largest problems with PTSD is that it takes over our entire view of ourselves. We no longer see clearly. We no longer see the world as we experienced it before trauma. Now every moment is dangerous, unpredictable and threatening.

Gently remind us and offer opportunities to engage in an identity outside of trauma and PTSD.

#4 – We are no longer grounded in our true selves. In light of trauma our real selves retreat and a coping self emerges to keep us safe.

Believe in us; our true selves still exist, even if they are momentarily buried.

#5 – We cannot help how we behave. Since we are operating on a sort of autopilot we are not always in control. PTSD is an exaggerated state of survival mode. We experience emotions that frighten and overwhelm us. We act out accordingly in defense of those feelings we cannot control.

Be patient with us; we often cannot stop the anger, tears or other disruptive behaviors that are so difficult for you to endure.

#6 – We cannot be logical. Since our perspective is driven by fear we don’t always think straight, nor do we always accept the advice of those who do.

Keep reaching out, even when your words don’t seem to reach us. You never know when we will think of something you said and it will comfort, guide, soothe or inspire us.

#7 – We cannot just ‘get over it’. From the outside it’s easy to imagine a certain amount of time passes and memories fade and trauma gets relegated to the history of a life. Unfortunately, with PTSD nothing fades. Our bodies will not let us forget. Because of surging chemicals that reinforce every memory, we cannot walk away from the past anymore than you can walk away from us.

Honor our struggle to make peace with events. Do not rush us. Trying to speed our recovery will only make us cling to it more.

#8 – We’re not in denial—we’re coping! It takes a tremendous effort to live with PTSD. Even if we don’t admit it, we know there’s something wrong. When you approach us and we deny there’s a problem that’s really code for, “I’m doing the best I can.” Taking the actions you suggest would require too much energy, dividing focus from what is holding us together. Sometimes, simply getting up and continuing our daily routine is the biggest step toward recovery we make.

Alleviate our stress by giving us a safe space in which we can find support.

#9 – We do not hate you. Contrary to the ways we might behave when you intervene, somewhere inside we do know that you are not the source of the problem. Unfortunately, in the moment we may use your face as PTSD’s image. Since we cannot directly address our PTSD issues sometimes it’s easier to address you.

Continue to approach us. We need you to!

Michele Rosenthal is a trauma/PTSD survivor, Self-Empowered Healing Coach and the founder of Heal My PTSD, LLC.

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Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessionsin Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success, confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.  Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

“Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it”

George Santayana

My clients often look at me with a sense of despair and express the belief that their past is determining their future. Well, according to George, if you’re not learning from your past experience, you’re right!

But what is really going on? What is the most important thing to learn from our past experience, and what should be discarded? Surely we need to retain all manner of common sense things about the world, like, ” look both ways before you cross the street.”

You’d think it would be easy for us to cultivate this kind of common sense. And yet these days, as we assess the state of corporate greed, political hostility, and lack of civil discourse, it seems there isn’t much interest in developing common sense for the common good. If you look at history, no good has ever come from trying to create a society in which the common good is disregarded (witness the fates of the Roman Empire, the Third Reich, and more recently, Enron). But we don’t seem to get it!

It seems to me that what’s most important to learn from past experience is that you — and only you — are the one in charge of your self respect and self approval. As a wise older friend said to me when I was a young man, “Unless you approve of yourself, you will always be afraid.”

I learn from clients daily that this is a daunting task — primarily because people generally believe that whatever they have thought, or said, or done determines whether or not they have a right to exist.  By extension, the “worthiness” of their thoughts, words and deeds determine whether or not it’s okay to be kind to themselves. I usually propose to my clients that their actions are about their actions, not about their human value. I just explain that they will experience the fruit of their actions, because that’s the way things work, but that their essential value remains untouched no matter what they do. They always have the right to choose to act with love, kindness, and encouragement towards themselves, even if they’ve made the worst mistake of their lives.

In my experience, this is the best way for us to keep a clarity of mind, and the strength of spirit, to rectify any mistakes we may have made.  Those who put themselves down with blame, shame, and guilt when they make mistakes are doomed to repeat the past. Why? Because their focus is failure. Wise people, on the other hand, use their energy kindly and patiently learning from their mistake and figuring out how to do better next time.

The wise make mistakes, too. But all the while, regardless of the outcome of their actions, they maintain respect for the miracle of their being and the gift of their life. They keep their self-respect. And that is the very best kind of common sense.

Our life is not ours to judge. It’s a mystery.

May we all prosper together!

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Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessionsin Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success, confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.  Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

I am going to tell you a powerful secret. I am about to give you a powerful all-purpose tool for taming your mind, your emotional states and your compulsions. I give it in various forms to all my clients.

In fact,  I had just given it to a client the day before I went to a local chain store for some sundries.  Here it is:  “I wish you perfect happiness.”

Simply repeat this to your mind, to your inner critic, to your anger (or jealousy or insecurity or fear), to parts of your body that ache. Have the intention that you are directing this blessing — “I wish you perfect happiness” — to your thoughts, sensations, emotions,  or urges AND to the source of whatever is creating them.

Focus and breathe. Deliver the blessing. Breathe. Relax as much as possible. Then re-focus and repeat the process several times. Notice what happens!

This is a very powerful practice. I have given it to the most unhappy and confused clients and it always makes a difference for them. Find out for yourself. You can also practice it with friends and enemies and strangers — even if you just say it silently to yourself. Say it to each passing driver as you’re driving down the road.

Even though I use this daily with clients and practice it myself, I’m still surprised by the way it comes to me. Which brings me back my experience of going to the store for the purchase of sundries. I had paid for my purchase  and was turning to leave when the clerk looked me in the eye and said, “All good things to you today.” And she meant it!

I actually had a little startle response,  it was such an unexpected surprise. It hadn’t been that long since I’d read the morning paper, so I probably had some subtle (or not-so-subtle) conditioning going on, to regard the world as a dark and depressing place. This grocery clerk with the nice smile and good wishes showed me that Love may be quite active in this world despite the headlines. Love can actually drown out  the incessant chatter of TV — it can go right under the radar of the chaos and cynicism.

And we can all expand Love’s influence in the same simple way that this clerk is doing. Her phrase is worded differently than the blessing I give out, but the message is the same. And the real key? She meant it — from the heart! Seeing her smile at me, hearing that blessing, changed my mind and made my day.

I still went out for coffee and read the paper again this morning. But this time I remembered the clerk and her blessing, and I blessed everyone I read about as I was reading. Let’s all do it! It doesn’t cost anything and it’s a simple, effective way to practice loving kindness.

I wish you perfect happiness . . . and I’m sure my new friend at the grocery store wishes you all good things today, too!

And sometimes it’s nice to have a little extra help. Try this audio CD — it’s one of my most popular ones –on Stress Relief, Rejuvenation & Empowerment. Or this one, Becoming Fearless & Compassionate.

I think you’ll enjoy this very funny video of Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche speaking on practicing loving kindness and compassion:

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Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success, confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.  Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

Being in tune with the universe is an aspect of being in tune with yourself. Recently a reader wrote in with this question:

May all beings be happy and free. May our compassion for all beings, ourselves included, continually increase!

Developing True Heart Intuition is a wonderful seminar on CD that helps you live with this awareness of inner and outer support. It is just one of 5 powerful CD seminars included in the Living from the Heart Collection.

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Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success, confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.  Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.

I didn’t! Mother’s Day has always been a time to appreciate and show gratitude to My mother, to My wife as mother, or to any mother I might see that day, saying, “Happy Mother’s Day!” bringing a smile to their face. A wonderful day of candy, roses and brunch!

Today, two days after Mother’s Day, I was reading Real Change magazine. Real Change is the local publication created to support low income and homeless people in the Seattle area. Real Change articles always stop my obsessive self concern, at least for a moment and touch my heart in consideration of people with much greater struggles than mine.

The article that most touched me this week was about Code Pink and Julia’s Voice, two peace activist groups formed by mothers who were inspired by the life and efforts of Julia Ward Howe. Howe’s efforts as a poet and activist are responsible for the Mother’s Day tradition being a national holiday.

Julia Ward Howe was already famous as the woman who wrote the words to the “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” when in 1870,  in response to the carnage of the Franco-Prussian War and in the aftermath of our Civil War, she decided that the mothers who had lost so much to war should refuse to offer their sons to any new battles.

She wrote this poem calling for Mothers to join to together to put an end to war:

“Arise then . . . women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:

“We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs.”

From the bosom of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: “Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”

Blood does not wipe out dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace…
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God—

In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.”

I was deeply moved reading this. I never knew this about Mother’s day — and I’m 63 years old! I figured I probably wasn’t alone, so I post this blog to spread this knowledge to others who may appreciate it as I did.

May we celebrate this profound dimension of Mother’s Day and practice Peace every day in any way we can.

May all beings be happy and free! May our compassion for all beings, ourselves included, continue to increase!

Here’s a guided practice designed to naturally increase your compassion:
Finding True Magic audio CD: Cultivating Fearlessness & Compassion

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Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of  Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success, confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.  Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.