Cut Through Shyness & Hidden Blocks to Self-Respect
May 6th, 2012
The Buddha said: “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” (A thought worthy of daily repetition.)
In my experience over 23 years practicing Lucid Heart Therapy & Life Coaching, I have found that everyone’s problems have their root in a lack of self love and the obstacle to self love is hypnotic in nature. What does that mean?!
I’d like to discuss a specific hypnotic quality, hallucination, that we create to cause unnecessary suffering and to block self appreciation. In a stage hypnosis event, when people accept the suggestion that they see a dog on an empty floor or see their naked body even when they are fully clothed, they are hallucinating the suggested content — a sign of a deep trance state.
In order to be convinced the person must hallucinate two things. The subject is not merely hallucinating the dog or the naked body (seeing what is not there is termed a positive hallucination), but they must be not seeing the empty floor or their clothes (not seeing what is there is termed a negative hallucination). It is important to note that the hypnotist doesn’t have to tell the subject to do the negative hallucination. The subject does it automatically. Since this crucial action is unmentioned it can go unnoticed.
The same is true for stuck emotional states. We stay stuck because we are not noticing something we are doing!
Have you ever felt stuck saying your were shy? Or afraid? Or angry? We get stuck in such negative states because we positively hallucinate that the state appears “out of nowhere” — it’s “just the way we are.” The feeling state is so powerful it magnetizes and absorbs our focus so that we do not recognize how we create it. We overlook what preceded it.
Nothing come from nowhere without cause — we overlook the cause.
The state is truly happening — we feel what we feel. But since we experience it so vividly, negatively hallucinating the cause, we believe it is a causeless state. The truth of it’s existence reinforces the belief that the state is a true commentary about us — I am a shy person, etc. We could state the belief in this way, “I feel it, it just is, therefore it is true about me.”
I asked a client recently, who kept saying he was a shy person, if he knew what he did to feel shy. He didn’t – he was “just” immediately shy in the company of others. I asked him to consider — could he feel shy if he didn’t first judge himself to be not good enough in some way? Could he feel shy without imagining (hallucinating) the other person judging him? And could he feel shy, if the other person did judge (people judge), but he didn’t accept the judgment? Could he feel shy without believing that rejection was an intolerable event?
He easily recognized that his thoughts conformed to the thoughts I guessed at. He saw that he was not “just a shy person,” — shy “immediately out of nowhere” but that to “be a shy person” he had to believe the thoughts (hurtful hypnotic suggestions) that he wasn’t good enough, that other people negative judgments of him were always true, and that rejection was intolerable.
Once he saw that the shyness wasn’t natural and wasn’t arising out of nowhere because “that was just the way he was,” he let go of his concern. As he recognized that the shyness was merely a product of negative thinking of questionable validity, he started to easily hallucinate enjoying himself around other people — even joking about being rejected!
Practice watching your mind and catching the thought process that precedes your stuck emotional state. First, affirm, “This state is not “just the way I am.” Then simply ask, “What do I have to believe to feel this way.” “Why believe that?”
Good luck!
For those interested in the interdependency between hypnosis and meditation, my Finding True Magic is now an eBook!
Also, download the Mp3 Stress Relief, Rejuvenation & Empowerment to banish your stress!
___________________________________________________
Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!
Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.
Real But Not True
April 29th, 2012
I just came from a weekend seminar at Nalanda West in Seattle with a wonderful Tibetan teacher, Tsoknyi Rinpoche, author of the new book, Open Heart, Open Mind. He has a down to earth, humorous way of presenting the teachings, filled with personal anecdotes.
I find it most helpful to hear about the personal struggles of masters. I don’t think I am alone in getting caught sometimes by a subtle attitude of disappointment in the company of a spiritual teacher – disappointment in myself and that they are disappointed in my short-comings. I may think something like, “They are perfect, I’m not! They can’t possibly have the problems I have, especially not now — maybe as a child, but not now!”
So when they share about having emotional issues as an adult, it helps me relax – I can identify with the problem, it’s OK to have it and if they had it and overcame it, that means I can too!
Rinpoche shared about dealing with his own fear of flying, which at first was appropriate. He was trapped in a small plane flying through a windstorm in the Himalayas! But then he found he had the reaction in modern jet liners. He applied mindfulness and analysis to the problem. I think it is notable that this wasn’t an abstract analysis. He talked to his mind as a partner; he reasoned with his mind. The first step was respect – “these feelings are real” he said to his mind, “but are they true, are they based on actual present conditions?” He gave his mind space to consider this. He also asked, “are you creating this fear based on past conditions?”
He shared that he would repeat this again and again until his mind would relax recognizing, bit by bit, that the fear was not about present conditions, but from the past.
I work with fear and anxiety a lot with clients. Rinpoche’s technique does not work for most people. Many people say they tried this method and it didn’t work. In fact, it is a common complaint – “I tried to talk myself out of it; I know it was ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop being afraid.” So why did it work for Rinpoche?
What is commonly missing for us in the West that was not missing for Rinpoche, who had a rigorous monastic education, was patience, perseverance, and confidence in repetition.
Where we quickly give up after trying something a few times because we have the belief that if something doesn’t work after a few times “it isn’t going to work,” Rinpoche’s training taught him that if you keep repeating with a good attitude of patience and perseverance, it will work! He shared that he condensed his healing inner conversation into a mantra after his conversation with his mind started to work: “Real But Not True.” That mantra then held the power of his efforts talking with his mind: repeated honoring of feelings, followed by analysis – reasoning and questions.
You can read his blog post at Huff Post where he has several blog posts, all worth reading – Real But Not True. Here is one of many You Tube clips of Rinpoche:
And I invite you to consider that the impatience we have cultivated in the West is, in large part, because we have made things so fast and easy on the outside. This has cost us an inner patient calm, and also cost an inner confidence that we can make a change in our mind.
When we end up believing there is an inherent inability to help ourselves by working with our mind, we are susceptible to despair and discouragement. Most of the time the problem is not inherent inability, it is the lack of perseverance backed up by faith in ourselves – often one of many learned attitudes from our early “schooling” that does not serve us.
Please take some time to feel what happens inside when you entertain embracing the tool of repetition with faith and even with an attitude to make it fun!
Good luck!
For those interested in the interdependency between hypnosis and meditation, my Finding True Magic is now an eBook!
Also, download the Mp3 Stress Relief, Rejuvenation & Empowerment to banish your stress!
___________________________________________________
Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!
Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.
In a Japanese legend, the great Dharma Chan(Zen) master Bodhidharma cut off his eyelids because he fell asleep in meditation. According to Chinese legend his main disciple Dazu Huike cut off his arm to convince Bodhidharma he was sincere and worthy to receive the teachings.
In the 60’s many of us new Zen students of Shunryo Suzuki Roshi took to the austerity of Japanese Zen with gusto. But many of us didn’t appreciate how the model of Japanese aggressive determination (inspired by stories such as Bodhidharma’s and Huike’s) would combine with our Western guilt and shame to produce some rigid and stern Zen students quite unlike our soft, but strong, disciplined, but delightful teacher. (Read my Dharma brother David Chadwick’s excellent biography of Suzuki Roshi, Crooked Cucumber.)
Most Westerners I encounter think of discipline as harsh pushing of oneself, even abuse. Because of the ability to do spiritual bypassing, meditators can turn meditation from a heart/mind opening practice into a spiritually decorated denial system that breeds and justifies unkindness, compulsiveness, and addictions of all kinds.
Idealizing the legendary acts of self-mutilation of these genuine teachers doesn’t seem to help Westerns advance on the path. For us discipline is more rightly understood as “following with love” rather than “push and punish”.
When we make exertion from love the actions are kind, yet strong, and can bear loving fruit. When we make exertion from fear and judgment, the nature of the exertion is punishing and the fruit is intensified shame and self hatred, often proclaimed as the virtue of perfectionism or, on the passive side, the virtue of uncommon and creepy meekness and invisibility.
Many of us in the first waves of American Zen had to work through this confusion – some of us made it, some didn’t.
One of my role models early on was homeless teenager. While many would come to the door of Zen Center with meekness signifying respect, and politely ring the doorbell, this young man would stand at the door and yell, “Open up!”
In my opinion, that’s the spirit to have! Approach the sacred place with full self-respect, respect for your own sacredness, and demand to be let in – no slicing and dicing or fawning required! No arrogance either — just genuine commitment to your own basic goodness which is one of the foremost tenet’s of Buddhism.
Good luck!
For those interested in the interdependency between hypnosis and meditation, my Finding True Magic is now an eBook!
___________________________________________________
Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Finding True Magic now available as an eBook!
Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.
Medical Hypnosis
January 20th, 2012
I am excited today to share with you a You Tube clip that documents the effectiveness of hypnosis for medical anesthesia. It is just a 2 minute clip, but it is from ABC News with Diane Sawyer so it should carry a lot of prestige with the public.
At the same time, I am concerned that vested interests in the medical community, especially anesthesiologists, will be against the spread of this knowledge, or will try to make it legal only for doctors to practice hypnosis in this way. Of course you need the doctor to do the surgery, but not the hypnotic anesthesia.
The healing power of our mind is our healing power and we have a right to learn the simple yet profound means to access it. To be able to do surgery under hypnosis understandably raises doubts and fears and the inclination is to think such a use of hypnosis must be complex and require years of training.
Not true! It is so simple – all that is needed is trust, rapport, motivation, and openness to suggestion (which follows from the first 3), and knowing what to suggest and how to suggest it. With these relationship dynamics present, and the easy to learn way to phrase suggestions, anyone can hypnotize anyone else to access and activate their own healing power.
I have several anecdotes of laypeople known to me who hypnotized a loved one (the relationship contained the required trust, rapport, and openness) for pain and surgery. One was a student of mine who, after the first weekend of class, hypnotized her husband to have a pain free dental surgery with little bleeding or swelling and rapid pain free healing. In this case the husband knew he was being hypnotized. And he trusted his wife.
In another situation the person did not know they were being hypnotized. They were having a phone conversation with their best friend, a graduate of my course. The person was about to have a liver biopsy, known to be always a very painful procedure. Her friend just started to give her suggestions in a casual loving reassuring way about how nice it would be if…(you felt delight at little things moment by moment, and appreciated the good will of the doctors and told your body to be pain free and it agreed). The person did not think this was hypnosis — it was just reassurance from a friend.
Afterwards, this person reported with great surprise how delightful and pain free the procedure, and, in fact the whole day, had been. About six months later the procedure was needed again. But this time this person forgot about the prior experience and didn’t talk with the friend. The procedure was very painful as it was “supposed” to be.
Now that you have read this, what is your inner response? Do you believe such abilities are available to you? You can begin to experiment and train yourself to master pain with some of my recordings like my ‘Quick Pain Relief’ or my ‘Deep Relaxation: Spontaneous Healing’ CDs or Mp3s.
Good luck!
___________________________________________________
Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.
Everything That Distresses You is Irrelevant! – Part 4
November 29th, 2011
First I wish you a loving, safe, and healthy Holiday season!
This is the fourth installment of the 4 part series on ‘Everything That Distresses You is Irrelevant.’ (It may have additional parts)
This series will be especially helpful for the enjoying and dealing creatively with the challenges that the holidays can bring mentally, emotionally, and physically.
You can find the first 3 installments at:
Part 1 – http://blog.findingtruemagic.com/?p=877
Part 2 – http://blog.findingtruemagic.com/?p=902
Part 3 – http://blog.findingtruemagic.com/?p=921
The 4 main issues causing needless distress are:
- 1) Confusion about Desire vs. Attachment,
- 2) Limited Self-Concepts,
- 3) Unrecognized Nature of Fear-based Thinking, and
- 4) Confusion about Cause and Effect.
This month we will look at issue #4) Confusion about Cause and Effect.
Every time we make a move, we are motivated by a desire, resolution, intention, or inspiration (let’s call these ‘beginnings’). Every beginning gives rise to a goal, the fulfillment of the desire or inspiration, etc..
Often wonderful beginnings do not end at the wonderful goal. I am sure you have heard the saying, “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” I’m sure you have also heard the New Age aphorism, “You always make the best choice.” Or the age old, “Everyone just wants to be happy.”
Have you ever wondered “why, if I want to be happy and I am always making my best choice, and I have a good intention, things can turn out so badly?”
The answer is that you didn’t accurately understand how the laws of cause and effect were operating in the given situation. The Law of Cause and Effect is operating in an all pervasive, unimpeded, and unrelenting way. It is totally reliable and impartial. If you act in accord with it, results are guaranteed!
When we make our very first move to act on our “beginning” we are making a statement of trust in the law of cause and effect and an affirmation that we understand how to apply it to get the outcome we want.
But we often forget or don’t realize that any action we take represents such a statement and affirmation.
When we don’t appreciate that we subconsciously trust and recognize the law of cause and effect, we forget to pay attention to it action by action. This is important because, action by action the law of cause and effect (LCE) gives us feedback about the action(s) we have taken — feedback that let’s us know of any course corrections we need to make and also additional knowledge about the nature of the project in general.
When we forget that we must attend to the impartial feedback from the LCE we get into big trouble. If we don’t pay attention to the actual LCE, we invent our own version of what we want the LCE to be.
Living by our desired LCE produces these delusions:
- I’m a victim of circumstance
- The universe is out to get me
- This shouldn’t be happening to me or “Why me?!”
- It’s hopeless; there is no way out
- I am unworthy to have any good come into my life
- Nothing ever works out
- It’s not my fault or It’s your fault
I could go on. Simply put, when we forget that the LCE is impersonal, impartial, reliable, and all pervasive, we delude ourselves thinking the LCE is personal, unreliable, and “patchy” in its application.
This enables us to indulge in victim mentality, believing that whining and complaining will somehow produce a good outcome. Or that actions determine the worth of our being.
If however, you appreciate the true nature of LCE, you always make an effort to engage with life moment by moment in a positive constructive way with and inner sense of self-encouragement, self-love, and patience.
You don’t do this to be a good boy or good girl. You do it because you know that the LCE is reliable and that ‘like comes from like’. If you want good in your life, constantly plant seeds of good – mentally, emotionally and physically.
If life brings you something you don’t like, you don’t complain (you may feel sad, which is very different). You meet it with interest (to learn more about LCE), with enthusiasm (because you know your worthiness is not at stake), and with patience (because you are clear that fear, masquerading as impatience, is never your friend).
You see that absurdity of acting in a negative way if something negative show up – adding a negative response just plants seeds for more negativity to bear fruit!
When you understand these insights about LCE, whatever comes, you smile at it. Not because you are faking that you like it, but because whatever comes reminds you of your own inner value and resourcefulness, and that the real LCE is on your side.
Results are guaranteed! Develop the habit of planting positive seeds – mentally, emotionally, and physically, even in the face of negative circumstances (the result of prior negative actions – no blame – just the action of the LCE) and positive results must come to you.
Good luck!
Someone living in Mexico with severe back pain downloaded the Stress Release and Quick Pain Relief Mp3s the other day. Within a couple of hours, they emailed me that they were feeling better already! This Stress Relief product is great for holiday stress. The Ending Insomnia Mp3 can be a life-saver during the holidays too.
January 2012 Winter Spontaneous Solutions© Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP Training begins January 13th. Details here.
___________________________________________________
Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.
Book Jack Elias to speak to your group or organization.
Everything That Distresses You is Irrelevant! – Part 3
November 8th, 2011
- Confusion about Desire vs. Attachment, (first installment)
- Limited Self-Concepts, (second installment)
- Unrecognized Nature of Fear-based Thinking, and
- Confusion about Cause and Effect.
___________________________________________________
Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.
Everything That Distresses You is Irrelevant! – Part 2
October 14th, 2011
Welcome to the 2nd installment of ‘Everything That Distresses You is Irrelevant.’ The 4 main issues causing needless distress are:
- Confusion about Desire vs. Attachment,
- Limited Self-Concepts,
- Unrecognized Nature of Fear-based Thinking, and
- Confusion about Cause and Effect.
If you missed the 1st installment, it’s at http://blog.findingtruemagic.com/?p=877. Also,
Part 3 – http://blog.findingtruemagic.com/?p=921
Part 4 - http://blog.findingtruemagic.com/?p=931
Let’s look at issue #2) Limited Self-Concepts. Here are the primary root forms of limited self-concept:
- I’m unworthy (not good enough, not deserving, therefore the universe is against me, nothing I do will work out)
- I’m a victim (not strong enough or smart enough)
- I’m special (other people get the right help and can change; not me)
- I am what I think I am and nothing more (don’t try to trick me into trying something new; it won’t work because the universe is against me – cycle back to #1)
- I take up too much space/there is not enough space for me – if I expressed freely, I’d bother people
These are so painful when we deeply believe them that we do not recognize that they are basically complaints. Recognizing them as complaints can actually diminish the power they have over us. It can take them off the pedestal we have put them on as unassailable truths.
___________________________________________________
Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.
Guest Blog: A CELEBRATION OF SPIRITUAL AND RELIGIOUS UNITY, WISDOM AND FRIENDSHIP!
September 24th, 2011
Throughout September, in commemoration of the 10th anniversary of 9-11, Andrew Cort’s Blog, Spirituality and Religion, is hosting a “Celebration of Spiritual and Religious Unity, Wisdom and Friendship”. What he has done is to contact authors, musicians, filmmakers, and other artists, who are doing good work in the field, and he has invited them to have their work featured, one per day, on his blog.Andrew is going to feature my book, Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis & Hypnotherapy/NLP on September 29th.1) What is THE PURPOSE OF RELIGION: Enlightenment, Meaning and Love in Jewish, Christian and Islamic Symbology about, and why should people read it?
At a time when religious differences continue to breed violence and animosity, my book is about the underlying decency, spiritual wisdom and Unity of our various faiths. The purpose of religion is not to retell history, it’s not a demand that we adhere to an impossible moral code, and it doesn’t require us to believe in all sorts of fantastic claims that defy rationality and logic. Rather, the real purpose of religion is to present the great Wisdom Teaching – through symbols, parables, allegories and metaphors – that shows us how to raise our level of being and return to communion with divinity. In other words, each religion presents an instruction manual for Spiritual Initiation! The story of the Israelites returning to the Promised Land, for instance, is not a literal story about a bunch of people on a journey. It’s a fabulous symbolic explanation of how the soul must journey from an inner state of material slavery (called “Egypt”) all the way home to spiritual freedom, enlightenment, and communion with God (a state of being represented by “Canaan”). The “Quest of the Holy Grail” is another such symbolic story. The different ways these stories are told by different cultures is a testament to the magnificent human imagination. But the common purpose that unites them, and us, is even more striking! But to understand these symbolic instructions, we need a ‘key’ to the ancient code. Fortunately, this key has been preserved in the writings of Plato and several other ancient writers. I present this key in the book. As a result, readers will get hours of pleasure and entertainment, as well as great knowledge, as they discover and rediscover the magnificent tales and legends from all our traditions – and they will read them with new eyes, new ears, and a new heart!
___________________________________________________
Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.
No More Self-Improvement – Guest Blog
September 24th, 2011
I am happy to share this wonderful blog by Lisa Saubolle.
Lisa Saubolle is creator of The Bodymind Journey, a heart centered approach to healing and self-discovery. She is a hypnotherapist and Certified TAT® (Tapas Acupressure Technique) Trainer, with a background in energy healing and body-centered methods. Her blog shares her personal experience and the life-changing lessons she learned from her contemplation of them. A great example of diligence and compassion to oneself! Enjoy:
No More Self-Improvement
For most of my adult life I was a self-improvement junkie. I can’t even begin to count the hours (in the thousands) and the amount of money I spent on books, products, and trainings over the last 25 plus years.
At first it came in spurts (when the pain got bad enough), but eventually it became a way of life with me. Other people took vacations; I worked on myself.
At some point I began to support other people who were also looking to feel better and live happier lives and I loved it!! Except that I put more pressure on myself to “be the best I could be” in order to help others. Reading about perfectionism, I saw some ways that label fit; so I started working on my perfectionism – another way I could improve! More learning, more seeking, more work.
Not good enough.
Though in many ways life was feeling better and I had worked through some really big things like panic attacks and various forms of not-so-healthy behavior, I began to gradually realize that in all my efforts to learn, grow and develop, I still didn’t feel good about myself. It seemed natural to think of myself as a person in need of constant improvement, and my inner “coach” kept whispering “you can do better, I know you can!” What’s wrong with wanting to be a better person??!
But I had a growing realization that whatever I did, whoever I was, it would never be “enough.” I knew I “should” love and accept myself but had no idea how that would be possible, or what it would feel like.
Then something big happened.
One day as I was trying to “shift” my emotional state (I was working with Law of Attraction back then), I heard a little voice from somewhere inside say “you hate me!” It was so unexpected and felt so real (I’m not prone to hearing inner voices), that it completely captured my attention. My first impulse was to reassure “it” (whatever “it” was) and as I sat there, I became aware of something in me that was in tremendous pain and feeling very kind of “squashed down.” The whole right side of my body felt contracted.
This pivotal event started an amazing journey for me. I learned to listen more to what was really going on inside instead of just trying change it; I realized that I had been blind to my own suffering because I was so identified with a part of me that was pushing for constant improvement and change.
A different way
As I worked with things in a different way, I began to come in contact with something in me that was beyond the conflict, beyond the history, beliefs and the rest of it; something that really felt more like ME. From this place, I could see the stuck places, the barriers and know it was just “stuff” and NOT who I was.
I saw that it’s not about self-improvement — it’s more like self-unfolding and development. There’s nothing wrong with personal development, growth and healing — it’s our inborn tendency to move towards more wholeness. It’s the WAY that we do this, the way we approach ourselves (and each other), that makes all the difference. It’s also a recognition that there is something beyond our emotions, reactions, thoughts and the conditions of our life, that is authentic and who we really are; we may not be in touch with it, or may glimpse it only rarely, but it’s there.
Things to consider:
- Are there things about you and your life that are just “unacceptable?”
- How do you go about making changes?
- Could you imagine treating your own feelings and your own self with as much care and understanding as you would offer a hurting child or animal?
- What if it were possible to change, grow and experience a fulfilling life without acting from a place of “I have to” or dragging yourself kicking and screaming into uncomfortable territory?
Copyright 2010 Lisa Saubolle all rights reserved
Thanks, Lisa! Remember, visit Lisa’ website The Bodymind Journey and see what she has to offer!
In the spirit of affirming self-respect, your basic goodness, and your right to exuberantly express yourself, download this Mp3 Erase Performance Anxiety – Share Your Gifts & Joy With the World! Now!
___________________________________________________
Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.
Everything That Distresses You is Irrelevant! – Part 1
September 6th, 2011
Distress…irrelevant!? Most people are interested and puzzled by this proposition – some angered! How can I not be distressed about being unemployed, sick, or because of a significant loss?
I find in working with clients that the main causes of confusion about the needlessness of distress relate to 4 main issues:
1) Confusion about Desire vs. Attachment
2) Limited Self-concepts
3) Unrecognized Nature of Fear-based Thinking
4) Confusion about Cause and Effect
Briefly, here’s my take on these,
1) Confusion about Desire vs. Attachment
I find many people believing themselves to be basically “sinners” think their desires are selfish and therefore wrong. Yet they can’t give them up so they feel distressed in the pursuit of them. Since they are wrong, they feel ashamed and guilty. Since they are selfish, they have to be covert and manipulative in their effort to satisfy them. Very distressful orientations, indeed!
How’s this – it’s natural to have natural desires and to meet them with ease and self-respect. Natural desires arise from simply being alive – life desires what it wants to celebrate being alive. Respecting life, being grateful for life, means being respectful of and grateful for the guidance of natural healthy desires.
Desire is not the problem. Grasping at desires is the problem. Grasping is a problem because you can’t grasp a desire, all you can really do is squeeze your guts. Squeezing your guts is the actual activity (to put it politely). What we think, what we hallucinate, is that we are grasping our desire. But the actual squeezing is causing the distress. If you recognize the actual activity of squeezing you can evaluate:
1) how does squeezing my guts help me get my desire or
2) to get over not getting my desire
It doesn’t, clearly! Enjoy the desire with ease if you meet it. Move on, hopefully with a lesson learned (and gratitude for it), to other desires (enjoyable pursuits) if you don’t. No squeezing required!
Good luck!
I discuss the other causes in these next 3 blogs:
Part 2 – http://blog.findingtruemagic.com/?p=902
Part 3 – http://blog.findingtruemagic.com/?p=921
Part 4 – http://blog.findingtruemagic.com/?p=931
Subscribe (RSS) to this blog in the right column over there!
___________________________________________________
Jack Elias, CHT is founder and director of the Institute for Therapeutic Learning in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of Finding True Magic: Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP, a book and course which blends NLP training modalities with philosophical traditions of both East and West. Jack offers private sessions in Lucid Heart Therapy and Life Coaching. He offers live trainings and distance learning trainings in Transpersonal Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy/NLP. Jack also presents keynotes and other programs to teach audiences how to use the techniques of Transpersonal Hypnotherapy/NLP to achieve success,confidence, and a consistent sense of well-being.


